Worship

I used to think "Godzilla" by Blue Oyster Cult was a worship song, because my right speaker was broken.

Cover Band

I want to start a Zombie Hall & Oats tribute band

...and we'll only play the song "Maneater"

Twitter

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Vun vun vun vunvunvunvunvvnunnnnnnn
Vun vuh vuh vun vuhhhh
posted 3 seconds ago

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh oh nooooo
Ohhh yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Oh ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
posted 4 seconds ago

I wish I could find a reason to say
The way I feel on this cloudy day
posted 4 seconds ago

Vun vun vun vunvunvunvunvvnunnnnnnn
Vun vuh vuh vun vuhhhh
posted 5 seconds ago

Excitement crahin and thundaaaa singin
Flowers smellin and rain drops seeeeeeethin
posted 5 seconds ago

Vun Vun Vun vuh vun vun vuh vun vuh
Vun vun vun vuh vun vun vuh vun vuh
posted 5 seconds ago

Career

I think I could make a career...

out of being the "before" photo in ad campaigns...

Taco Bell

I think Taco Bell should start an ad campaign called "stuff your emotions".

Tired

Are you tired?

...Because you've been running through my dreams all night.


...away from me.

Hangover

Trying to put on my belt in the morning during a hangover is like trying to solve a rubiks cube.

I'm stumbling around the room, crying and confused...

hoping some Japanese kid will come and help me.

Club

I want to start a club called "Cripples for America"

...and our slogan would be "These Colors Don't Run."

Soft Rock

Whenever I'm doing something particularly dangerous,
I start singing eighties soft rock radio,
Just in case I somehow knock myself unconcious during the chorus.

...Because there's always the off chance that I'll wake up days later in the hospital, scaring a nurse shitless by screaming:

"TAAAAKE ME HOOOOOOOOOOME TONIGHT!"

Subway

I want to open up a Subway sandwich shop, and all I'll have on the menu is the word "sandwich."

"uhh, I'll have the...sandwich?"

"Good choice sir, that's all we have."